In keeping with the season of love that it is and trying to undertake the task of starting to tick off my bucket list that I posted last month (no 24), I want to talk about the different types of dates I have had and perhaps some of you have had. I was going to title this the different types of men, but as a bisexual woman myself (-hey mom if your reading) I thought thats being a tiny bit narrow minded and cutting off some readers, or indeed possibly half the general population.
Lets keep in mind that its no secret I'm a bit of a flirt - if you follow me on Twitter you will see my shameless carrying on's. And I'm also a man/women obsessed kind of gal, I love seeing someone(s) at all times. Having a silent phone is not my cup of tea. And believe me, I have quite a few dirty tea cups to show for it.
The we should meet
You have talked for hours every night for 2 weeks. You get on like a house on fire and man some of the stuff you've discussed makes you want to meet them even more, meow! You arrange to meet, they cancel. You try again only shit, something came up and your the one saying sorry this time. Theres family commitments, babies, exes, the car wont start. Every god damn thing that could go wrong with you does. Creeping doubt begins to sneak in, they were never going to meet me were they? And that exculates into one giant snowball. A month later your not even sure you still have their number. Oh well, all that time and effort.
Its been a few weeks, things are going good and then bam! Parents and meeting all the friends - at once? What are they going to suggest next, moving in together? Oh great, they bring up casually how many kids you'd be willing to have and where you see yourself settling down.. Get me out of here.
The total crazy
You meet in a bar, swap numbers and brief texting turns into a date. But wait, hes brought a teddy bear bigger then you and counts the minutes your gone to the bathroom for. How did you not see the crazy raidating from this person? 3am calls and coming by your house to recite sonnets is only the beginning of the documentation for the restraining order you'll have to place.
The I'm gay
That person who clings to their sexuality like their Rose in bloody Titanic, with the same amount of drama to go with it. What you like and do under the sheets is no business of mine, but ehh I happen to be under those sheets with you right now so.. I'll just show myself out, congrats on the Oscar.
The I'm in love with my ex
Its cool, I've been there, seeing anyone and everyone to get over an ex while still doing your daily Facebook stalk of their relationship status. But do they have to keep talking about them? The last straw is calling out their name in bed. Nope sorry, I wont cut my hair and pick up knitting like they do, I'm an individual person with a door. Use it.
The sex sex sex
Its always sex, which isn't a bad thing let me just say. But when you never do anything else, or see daylight for that matter, its no good. You can't walk round like a cowboy all the time, that is when your not in your other position - face down. This person keeps durex in business.
The I think I love you
You got talking online one night, by the end of it you think they could be perfect and you meet. By the end of the night they are confessing their undying love for you and you eh, suddenly have food poisoning. But totally promise to call, not that you'll need to though judging by the 7 missed calls and 12 texts you got last night. Little creepy? I think so.
The older person
Infatuated with younger people and can't believe their luck when a 20 something falls into their lap. Normally you mistake perving for them finding you attractive, but what the hell. But then the parading you around starts and all they can talk about is back pains and false teeth ( - now that last part is a slight gross exaggeration, but you get my point) its time to take off their borrowed slippers, don some heels and clickity clack your way out of their nursing home to your next date.
I could go on for days. The mammies boy/daddies girl, The wild child, The substance abuser, The cheater... Wow you ask, are there any good people out there!? Yes, yes there are indeed. You just need to go find them. If your in a relationship right now, go you! Happy season of love. And if your single? Well go you too! You can see who you want or maybe not at all and avoid the list of madness that is dating.
I have a feeling this could cook up a storm but just to let you all know, this isn't a serious jab at any gender/sexual oratation/age group and so on. Theses have just been my own experiences that are fun to share - who doesn't like to make others blush or get a raised eyebrow or two? This is so not my normal type of posting but I want to talk more about the taboo stuff, the stuff that you delete from your internet history or only read on your kindle. Why not on a beauty blog? I wont tell if you wont!
I'd totally get you a giant teddy bear while discussing the 2 children we're going to have through poetry at 3 am. And of course I love you, and always will, but I'm nuttier than a fruit and nut ;-)ReplyDelete
You my dear are perfectly normal. It just comes out in bouts of madness ;) love you xxDelete