Thursday 30 October 2014

The Guide To Casual Dating

Over the past few years I've noticed more and more girls 'causally dating' or having one night stands. Clearly I'm just at the age now where its acceptable for me to know these kinds of things, so don't go shouting at the screen that this is brand new. Its not, I'm aware. Its just something new to me. Back in the day (read:Secondary school) there was nothing but talk of wedding planning and how every girl (and a few guys) were dreaming of the perfect man they were sure to find upon leaving school. To be faithful and together forever, the end. Maybe I was always a little odd, but I never took part in these conversations and silently scoffed at those who gushed over dresses and flowers. But now it seems I was walking up and down the road of life and missing the neon lights that pointed to that special door. The casual dating and sex society.... And the best bit? Women are in there too, its not just the stereotypical men having one night stands, 'only after one thing' and so on.

But there is still a lot of stigma attached women casually dating people. Men get a congratulatory slap on the back for bedding yet another person, whereas women get called a slut if they dare sleep with two different people in the same month. Women playing the field just isn't as widely discussed as it is when it comes to men. So, heres my own guide to casual dating (and sex, of course).

TIME: Don't bite off more then you can chew
Don't go mad just because your a strong independent woman that don't need no (one) man. If your seeing more then one person at a time, don't try to fit in two people on one day. The only exception to the rule is if its breakfast with one and then hours later, dinner with another. No 40 minutes in between meetings, things always go wrong. Someone turns up early, things run over time. No one can fix their just fucked hair in 5 minutes, let alone find their knickers.    

SOCIAL MEDIA: Just. I can't even
The bane of my existence is the bloody internet when it comes to dating. You can find out what their mothers, sisters neighbour had for dinner last night in seconds. If your not planning on seeing this person for long, hold back on adding them to twitter, facebook and the rest. If I could manage on smoke signals alone, no one would ever get my phone number. Remember, who wants texts, tweets and god knows what popping up when you want peace. Or god forbid, your on another date. Less is more people. Less is less stalkers and awkward situations (read: trying to sneakily unfriend them on facebook when you think their not looking) 

SHARING: Its not caring
For me there has to be some sort of connection or shared interest, but that doesn't necessarily mean a deep meaningful life story sharing. It could just mean you both like.. Sex. Ok, but you know what I mean. Sharing things are for relationships and friends, not a person you wont be able to remember the name of in 6 weeks/months. Theres no need for last names, for the location of your work place or that sort of personal stuff. 

This is a simple rule, no sleeping over. It screams awkward situations and giving off the vibe that you want more in this relationship then sharing pizza, talking about the weather or mutually adding another notch to both your bedposts. I don't care if its half 10 or 4am, I have kicked out many a guy. I've also grabbed all my clothes and got dressed almost in the taxi when leaving a persons house. No sleeping unless you want a full on proper relationship. Don't. Bold. Down boy/girl/whatever your preferred gender is.

WHATS MINE IS MINE: Same goes for you, buddy
Unless your doing rounds in the pub or going half, pay for your own stuff. Just because your a woman (or indeed a guy) it doesn't mean be an ass. Its just as much a privilege for him to be seeing you as it is for you to be seeing him. But at the same time lets not do any over the top gestures. No sharing clothes (that you'll never get back) no footing a massive bill and the list goes on. 

TRUSTING; Its not a thing
When it comes to seeing someone that you might not know or want to get to know very well, its important to protect yourself. The obvious one is emotionally, but not everyone remembers the implications of the rest (read: the internet and sharing with friends). If your sending sexy pictures, no faces are needed. Have tattoos that identify you? Theres no need to show them. Simple things can save blushes and possible horror stories at a later date. The same goes for where you live or where your going to. Text a friend and keep them in the loop. Just because your a big boy or girl, doesn't mean your indestructible. 

SEXY TIME; Equals testy time
There is nothing wrong with having a lot of sexual partners, but that means being safe. Condoms are a must, every single time. Even having multiple forms of contraception could be an option. For example, being on the pill/injection and using condoms. Also going for regular STI/STD checks is a must. Every six months is a good idea, but some STD's wont show symptoms for up to a year. Going regularly is vital and you can ask your doctor how often you should get a check up. 

DON'T: Be 'that' person
Sometimes it will happen, but for the most part the two of you are casual. Theres no big emotions or connections between you, so calling it quits shouldn't end in a screaming match. No meaningful youtube songs posted on facebook, no subtweets and bitchy texts. Casual dating is a whole other ballgame, so just let it go and move on to the next gorgeous ass that takes your fancy.

And now an optional one for those of you who are honestly just out for one night stands or thereabouts and don't plan on connecting with anything other then eh... The other persons fun bits. 

HONESTY: The best policy
Be honest with the person your seeing. Make it clear that you just want to hang out and not have a Big Serious Relationship. You want something fun that could end yesterday. Make sure its mutual and maybe you could end up as each others fuck buddies for a while. Also now is the time to really let loose and try the sort of stuff you might not in a long term relationship for fear of judgment. Tell them what you want and vice versa. I freakin' love these conversations because you can get so much mutual enjoyment out of it, without the fear of having to meet their mother or sit to a formal dinner with their friends. If the worst happens and their not into anything, theres plenty more fish in the sea then that one unimportant guy or gal. 

Some of you will fully agree with everything I've said here. Some of you will write huge emails to me demanding I seek forgiveness from christ himself. Others will think I'm just a total bitch who doesn't care about anyone and is nothing more then a slut. So go on, what do you all have to say in regards to this little post? I can't wait to hear! 


  1. Great post! I have learned a lot here. I must say that everybody must read this and get to know the do's and dont's. I agree on all the things that are listed here. I will let my friends read this too.

  2. Oh how I wish you'd written this post months ago! :P After coming out of a three year relationship I decided like most others in Ireland I'd give Tinder a go. For the most part it was full of wierdo's, but I got talking to one guy who originally lived a few miles away from me and I knew his sisters, so we went on a few dates. He was actually a pure gent until we went out on a night out together and when I picked him up that night I could already smell the drink off him. I put it down to him being nervous but as the night went on he got drunker and drunker, (yet I still wanted to do the ahem, business haha.. Anyway he was so drunk he couldn't and then next morning he could remember absolutely nothing. I escaped as quick as I could, and then had the pleasure of bumping into him the following week out, and again he was hammered! His friends all abandoned him so I figured I'd be nice and get him a taxi, which I found out after he didn't pay for, and then accused me of robbing his car keys. So, if you had written this a few months ago I could have saved myself all this cringeyness!! :P

    1. I was reading to comments to post a response of my own, but that was bloody hilarious!

    2. Oh Alisha I'm so sorry to hear that!! But one the bright side at least your more prepared for future dates and have a funny story to tell your friends! :) x