Sexual Sunday: Women Don't Like Porn (And Other Myths)

Do you ever have those moments when you read something online that people genuinely think is a real thing? (or indeed say IRL). You look at the screen and either cackle in utter disbelief or wonder if you should give up on humanity entirely if this is the best that can be found. I do that a lot when it comes to the myths of the opposite sex or sex in general. The fact that people all over the world do IT a lot, we don't know much about the ins and outs of what actually goes on. (the biology lesson is another post. And don't laugh, I bet you have no idea where the bulbocavernosus muscle is, now do you?) Well today is your lucky day, because I'm going to talk about just some of the absolutely mad things that people think is true, or don't even know.

The perfect example is the crazy myth that women don't enjoy porn or sex. I know some of you will find it hard to believe, but I will speak for women as a whole when I say that the majority out there really love both. Now don't throw your hands up and say 'But Cat, your a sex blogger and will naturally like both!'. People of the internet, have a proper chat with the ladies in your life. Not all might want to admit it about the porn in particular, but we like it. A lot. 

 - Side note. When on porn sites there is sometimes a section for 'female friendly' porn. This bugs me a lot considering everyone will have different tastes and categorising it by gender enrages me. *Looks pointedly at PornHub* I understand there are sections for gay, lesbian, age and so on. But female friendly porn? Really! No. Nononono. 

Anal sex. I know theres a lot of people who would believe that if they only have anal they are still virgins. But hand over heart. Honey, thats also sex. 

Which leads me on to people who say that gay or lesbian sex is not actually sex because there is no opposite gender sex organ in the mix. What are these people smoking! On googling 'definition of sex' the very first thing that comes up is below. Note the use of both virginal and anal. A persons genitals. Fingers and toys also count, they are being inserted for the purposes of sex. 

noun
noun: sex; plural noun: sexes

1. 1.

   (chiefly with reference to people) sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse.

   "he enjoyed talking about sex"

   synonyms:

   sexual intercourse, intercourse, lovemaking, making love, sex act,sexual relations, sexual/vaginal/anal penetration; mating;  informalnooky;  informalbonking, rumpy pumpy, a bit of the other, how's your father;  informalpata-pata;  vulgar slangscrewing,fucking;  vulgar slangshagging;  formalcoitus, coition, copulation; archaicfornication, carnal knowledge, congress, commerce euphemistic

   • a person's genitals.

In some recent emails I found that a man was asking how to stimulate a woman. Not because he didn't know how to have sex, but because men were immediately turned on by the thought of (and I think this is the crudest phrase, only using it in the form of a quote) That 'another hole is another goal'. Whereas women have to think about it, with feelings and need more mental stimulation in order to get turned on. Anyone who thinks this needs to have a talk with themselves. The same goes for those who think women need emotional connections and therefore can't have one night stands. Some women do need emotional connections, but then so do some men. Its not a gender specific thing.

Using two are more condoms will not protect you more from STI/STD's or getting pregnant. It will most likely increase the risks as they can easy come off or break when more then one is used. Just use one girls and boys! One.

And lately, a personal fave of mine. You can learn to be sexually attracted to the 'right' gender and being gay is a choice. I argue this quite a lot (but then again, I do seem to attract a lot of bible bashers) but there are still people out there today that think this is true and that its wrong to be gay. More now in recent times are we seeing thoughts like this raise there ugly heads as a referendum for gay marriage is to be put to the island of Ireland in May. As a friend pointed out recently, its not just older generations who have these misconceptions, but its ingrained into some younger people too. Isn't it sad in this day and age that people still think like that? And still don't know the facts from the myths? 

I'm on a mission (as are many others. Yay, friends!) and I hope one day the word spreads enough that people know women enjoy porn equally as much as men, That being gay is grand, anal is still sex and so much more! Until then, I'll just continue to rant on about it in a mismatched angry fashion. Feel free to add in any sex myths you've heard in the comments below or expand on the ones listed above! I love when people rant with me.

Anal Sex? Lets Talk

Last month I wrote a post called The Ins And Outs Of Rimming. I was delighted with all the positive feedback that you guys gave and its spurred me on to write another post. I'm keeping on the topic of asses because, well, who doesn't like a nice ass?! *raises hand high* I'm going to be repeating some of what I talked about in my last post on safety and hygiene as its always good to keep these things in mind. Practice makes perfect and remembering the facts comes under that category too! Now, lets get eh, down and dirty. Shall we?

There is still a huge misconception by a lot of people that anal sex is only a sexual activity for gay men. Let me be the first to pop that myth bubble, anal sex is for and done by both men and women. This might not be for everyone, but I'm the type of person who will try anything once - with the right partner that I feel comfortable and safe with. Communication is great for all situations in life and this topic is no different. Talking about anal sex or sex in general makes for a happy, healthy relationship -be it a long term relationship or a one night stand. ''Hey, wanna try xyz?'' or indeed my favourite, ''have you a sec to talk? I'd like to try out xyz some time, it sounds fun and sexy! Would you like to give it a try?''. It might be a bit formal, but it gets me where I want to be! If you don't ask, you will never know what the answer is.

So you've suggested anal sex and your partner has agreed, what next? Like I said in my last post, hygiene is so important and keeping  STI's away is key. Whoever is joining in the fun under the covers should have a shower before beginning. If you are using a strap on sex toy, make sure its clean too. lovehoney.com is a great online place to browse strap ons. The anus does not have natural lubrication like the vagina does, so you are going to need lots of lube and lots of time. Rimming is a great way to lead up to anal sex, with licking, fingering and generally relaxing the anus so it wont hurt when anything is inserted. Remember that dental dams or cling film is the best way to prevent from STI's and condoms should be used during anal sex also. (Read about it more in my last post here.) If your not too sure about anal, why not try out some small anal toys first, like anal beads or a butt plug. Sexsiopa,ie has a great range and their an Irish company too!

Things might get a little messy, which is perfectly fine. After all, sex is a dirty job sometimes! So plenty of towels and a shower after is always a good idea. No one likes excess lube on their skin/bed/sex toys. If things do go wrong and it gets embarrassing, laugh about it! Nothing ever goes 100% right. Sometimes you fall over, or even bang your head off the headboard. (Or eh, so I've been told. *cough*) Sex is meant to be fun and not something to take serious.

But do remember, this could hurt a little. If it all gets too much, as with any sexual act, saying stop is always ok. You can talk about what happened and maybe try again another time or never again, its up to you. Going slow, communicating what feels good and making sure your both equally enjoying sex is key. 

Enjoy, have fun and try to keep quiet! x