Sexual Sunday: Women Don't Like Porn (And Other Myths)

Do you ever have those moments when you read something online that people genuinely think is a real thing? (or indeed say IRL). You look at the screen and either cackle in utter disbelief or wonder if you should give up on humanity entirely if this is the best that can be found. I do that a lot when it comes to the myths of the opposite sex or sex in general. The fact that people all over the world do IT a lot, we don't know much about the ins and outs of what actually goes on. (the biology lesson is another post. And don't laugh, I bet you have no idea where the bulbocavernosus muscle is, now do you?) Well today is your lucky day, because I'm going to talk about just some of the absolutely mad things that people think is true, or don't even know.

The perfect example is the crazy myth that women don't enjoy porn or sex. I know some of you will find it hard to believe, but I will speak for women as a whole when I say that the majority out there really love both. Now don't throw your hands up and say 'But Cat, your a sex blogger and will naturally like both!'. People of the internet, have a proper chat with the ladies in your life. Not all might want to admit it about the porn in particular, but we like it. A lot. 

 - Side note. When on porn sites there is sometimes a section for 'female friendly' porn. This bugs me a lot considering everyone will have different tastes and categorising it by gender enrages me. *Looks pointedly at PornHub* I understand there are sections for gay, lesbian, age and so on. But female friendly porn? Really! No. Nononono. 

Anal sex. I know theres a lot of people who would believe that if they only have anal they are still virgins. But hand over heart. Honey, thats also sex. 

Which leads me on to people who say that gay or lesbian sex is not actually sex because there is no opposite gender sex organ in the mix. What are these people smoking! On googling 'definition of sex' the very first thing that comes up is below. Note the use of both virginal and anal. A persons genitals. Fingers and toys also count, they are being inserted for the purposes of sex. 

noun
noun: sex; plural noun: sexes

1. 1.

   (chiefly with reference to people) sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse.

   "he enjoyed talking about sex"

   synonyms:

   sexual intercourse, intercourse, lovemaking, making love, sex act,sexual relations, sexual/vaginal/anal penetration; mating;  informalnooky;  informalbonking, rumpy pumpy, a bit of the other, how's your father;  informalpata-pata;  vulgar slangscrewing,fucking;  vulgar slangshagging;  formalcoitus, coition, copulation; archaicfornication, carnal knowledge, congress, commerce euphemistic

   • a person's genitals.

In some recent emails I found that a man was asking how to stimulate a woman. Not because he didn't know how to have sex, but because men were immediately turned on by the thought of (and I think this is the crudest phrase, only using it in the form of a quote) That 'another hole is another goal'. Whereas women have to think about it, with feelings and need more mental stimulation in order to get turned on. Anyone who thinks this needs to have a talk with themselves. The same goes for those who think women need emotional connections and therefore can't have one night stands. Some women do need emotional connections, but then so do some men. Its not a gender specific thing.

Using two are more condoms will not protect you more from STI/STD's or getting pregnant. It will most likely increase the risks as they can easy come off or break when more then one is used. Just use one girls and boys! One.

And lately, a personal fave of mine. You can learn to be sexually attracted to the 'right' gender and being gay is a choice. I argue this quite a lot (but then again, I do seem to attract a lot of bible bashers) but there are still people out there today that think this is true and that its wrong to be gay. More now in recent times are we seeing thoughts like this raise there ugly heads as a referendum for gay marriage is to be put to the island of Ireland in May. As a friend pointed out recently, its not just older generations who have these misconceptions, but its ingrained into some younger people too. Isn't it sad in this day and age that people still think like that? And still don't know the facts from the myths? 

I'm on a mission (as are many others. Yay, friends!) and I hope one day the word spreads enough that people know women enjoy porn equally as much as men, That being gay is grand, anal is still sex and so much more! Until then, I'll just continue to rant on about it in a mismatched angry fashion. Feel free to add in any sex myths you've heard in the comments below or expand on the ones listed above! I love when people rant with me.

The Guide To Casual Dating

Over the past few years I've noticed more and more girls 'causally dating' or having one night stands. Clearly I'm just at the age now where its acceptable for me to know these kinds of things, so don't go shouting at the screen that this is brand new. Its not, I'm aware. Its just something new to me. Back in the day (read:Secondary school) there was nothing but talk of wedding planning and how every girl (and a few guys) were dreaming of the perfect man they were sure to find upon leaving school. To be faithful and together forever, the end. Maybe I was always a little odd, but I never took part in these conversations and silently scoffed at those who gushed over dresses and flowers. But now it seems I was walking up and down the road of life and missing the neon lights that pointed to that special door. The casual dating and sex society.... And the best bit? Women are in there too, its not just the stereotypical men having one night stands, 'only after one thing' and so on.

But there is still a lot of stigma attached women casually dating people. Men get a congratulatory slap on the back for bedding yet another person, whereas women get called a slut if they dare sleep with two different people in the same month. Women playing the field just isn't as widely discussed as it is when it comes to men. So, heres my own guide to casual dating (and sex, of course).

TIME: Don't bite off more then you can chew

Don't go mad just because your a strong independent woman that don't need no (one) man. If your seeing more then one person at a time, don't try to fit in two people on one day. The only exception to the rule is if its breakfast with one and then hours later, dinner with another. No 40 minutes in between meetings, things always go wrong. Someone turns up early, things run over time. No one can fix their just fucked hair in 5 minutes, let alone find their knickers.    

SOCIAL MEDIA: Just. I can't even

The bane of my existence is the bloody internet when it comes to dating. You can find out what their mothers, sisters neighbour had for dinner last night in seconds. If your not planning on seeing this person for long, hold back on adding them to twitter, facebook and the rest. If I could manage on smoke signals alone, no one would ever get my phone number. Remember, who wants texts, tweets and god knows what popping up when you want peace. Or god forbid, your on another date. Less is more people. Less is less stalkers and awkward situations (read: trying to sneakily unfriend them on facebook when you think their not looking) 

SHARING: Its not caring

For me there has to be some sort of connection or shared interest, but that doesn't necessarily mean a deep meaningful life story sharing. It could just mean you both like.. Sex. Ok, but you know what I mean. Sharing things are for relationships and friends, not a person you wont be able to remember the name of in 6 weeks/months. Theres no need for last names, for the location of your work place or that sort of personal stuff. 

BEDTIME: Alone

This is a simple rule, no sleeping over. It screams awkward situations and giving off the vibe that you want more in this relationship then sharing pizza, talking about the weather or mutually adding another notch to both your bedposts. I don't care if its half 10 or 4am, I have kicked out many a guy. I've also grabbed all my clothes and got dressed almost in the taxi when leaving a persons house. No sleeping unless you want a full on proper relationship. Don't. Bold. Down boy/girl/whatever your preferred gender is.

WHATS MINE IS MINE: Same goes for you, buddy

Unless your doing rounds in the pub or going half, pay for your own stuff. Just because your a woman (or indeed a guy) it doesn't mean be an ass. Its just as much a privilege for him to be seeing you as it is for you to be seeing him. But at the same time lets not do any over the top gestures. No sharing clothes (that you'll never get back) no footing a massive bill and the list goes on. 

TRUSTING; Its not a thing

When it comes to seeing someone that you might not know or want to get to know very well, its important to protect yourself. The obvious one is emotionally, but not everyone remembers the implications of the rest (read: the internet and sharing with friends). If your sending sexy pictures, no faces are needed. Have tattoos that identify you? Theres no need to show them. Simple things can save blushes and possible horror stories at a later date. The same goes for where you live or where your going to. Text a friend and keep them in the loop. Just because your a big boy or girl, doesn't mean your indestructible. 

SEXY TIME; Equals testy time

There is nothing wrong with having a lot of sexual partners, but that means being safe. Condoms are a must, every single time. Even having multiple forms of contraception could be an option. For example, being on the pill/injection and using condoms. Also going for regular STI/STD checks is a must. Every six months is a good idea, but some STD's wont show symptoms for up to a year. Going regularly is vital and you can ask your doctor how often you should get a check up. 

DON'T: Be 'that' person

Sometimes it will happen, but for the most part the two of you are casual. Theres no big emotions or connections between you, so calling it quits shouldn't end in a screaming match. No meaningful youtube songs posted on facebook, no subtweets and bitchy texts. Casual dating is a whole other ballgame, so just let it go and move on to the next gorgeous ass that takes your fancy.

And now an optional one for those of you who are honestly just out for one night stands or thereabouts and don't plan on connecting with anything other then eh... The other persons fun bits. 

HONESTY: The best policy

Be honest with the person your seeing. Make it clear that you just want to hang out and not have a Big Serious Relationship. You want something fun that could end yesterday. Make sure its mutual and maybe you could end up as each others fuck buddies for a while. Also now is the time to really let loose and try the sort of stuff you might not in a long term relationship for fear of judgment. Tell them what you want and vice versa. I freakin' love these conversations because you can get so much mutual enjoyment out of it, without the fear of having to meet their mother or sit to a formal dinner with their friends. If the worst happens and their not into anything, theres plenty more fish in the sea then that one unimportant guy or gal. 

Some of you will fully agree with everything I've said here. Some of you will write huge emails to me demanding I seek forgiveness from christ himself. Others will think I'm just a total bitch who doesn't care about anyone and is nothing more then a slut. So go on, what do you all have to say in regards to this little post? I can't wait to hear!