Really Good Vibrations

I know, I know, bad punny title but well, its true. A friend of mine was talking to me the other week about the euro shops that are making their way right across Ireland, Dealz. We were laughing about some of the mad things you can buy in there, I mentioned the JLS condoms (a personal fav to giggle at when I'm in) and she told me they were selling vibrators.. Vibrators for €1.49 like everything else in the shop? No way, it has to be some crappy little thing that works for about 5 seconds and has the weakest vibration known to man... 

So naturally me being me, I asked her to get me a present next time she was in the shop and here it is (I have the bestest friend don't I? Embarrassing the life out of themselves for me) The packaging is plain but the information on the side is impressive considering the next to nothing price. Size, how it feels, what type of batteries you will need (1 AA) thats its free of phthalates and other general things everyone should know.  

Its quite big, thats the first thing I noticed about it. And the fact that its in a sealed packet which is well, good hygiene and  means that extra little bit safe. Not the most discreet thing I've ever seen, most I've ever had the pleasure of knowing (see what I did there?!) were able to fit in the palm of my hand and could be stored away without much hassle. But well, it was €1.49 I'm not going to be too fussy. It only comes in pink, a colour which a lot of sex toy producers seem to favour. You turn it on and off by tightening and untightening the bottom part of the vibrator. Its not the most effective way of turning on and off a sex toy - turning it off in a hurry or indeed it not being untightened enough and eh, it turning on at the wrong time. That is why its a damn good idea to nearly take it apart after use! (Just sayin')

Embarrassing issue warnings dealt with, its on to the vibrations themselves! How do I put this? You wouldn't want to have the type of teeth that chip easily. For something dirt cheap got at the pound shop, this thing is really strong. Like it makes my hand tingle and go ever so slightly numb holding it for a minute or so (not just me, passing it round the friends they thought the same thing). I have yet to take it for a test run, but I have no doubt it would result in a happy ending.

Thats all from me for now, I'm sorry for the totally awful puns, but I found it hard to resist myself today. Sometimes I think I'm hilarious and don't listen to the practical side of my brain, however small it is. Keep an eye out for some great bargains in your local Dealz shop, you never know what you might find!

The Different Types Of Dates

In keeping with the season of love that it is and trying to undertake the task of starting to tick off my bucket list that I posted last month (no 24), I want to talk about the different types of dates I have had and perhaps some of you have had. I was going to title this the different types of men, but as a bisexual woman myself (-hey mom if your reading) I thought thats being a tiny bit narrow minded and cutting off some readers, or indeed possibly half the general population. 

Lets keep in mind that its no secret I'm a bit of a flirt - if you follow me on Twitter you will see my shameless carrying on's. And I'm also a man/women obsessed kind of gal, I love seeing someone(s) at all times. Having a silent phone is not my cup of tea. And believe me, I have quite a few dirty tea cups to show for it.

The we should meet

You have talked for hours every night for 2 weeks. You get on like a house on fire and man some of the stuff you've discussed makes you want to meet them even more, meow! You arrange to meet, they cancel. You try again only shit, something came up and your the one saying sorry this time. Theres family commitments, babies, exes, the car wont start. Every god damn thing that could go wrong with you does. Creeping doubt begins to sneak in, they were never going to meet me were they? And that exculates into one giant snowball. A month later your not even sure you still have their number. Oh well, all that time and effort.

The commitment 

Its been a few weeks, things are going good and then bam! Parents and meeting all the friends - at once? What are they going to suggest next, moving in together? Oh great, they bring up casually how many kids you'd be willing to have and where you see yourself settling down.. Get me out of here.

The total crazy

You meet in a bar, swap numbers and brief texting turns into a date. But wait, hes brought a teddy bear bigger then you and counts the minutes your gone to the bathroom for. How did you not see the crazy raidating from this person? 3am calls and coming by your house to recite sonnets is only the beginning of the documentation for the restraining order you'll have to place.

The I'm gay

That person who clings to their sexuality like their Rose in bloody Titanic, with the same amount of drama to go with it. What you like and do under the sheets is no business of mine, but ehh I happen to be under those sheets with you right now so.. I'll just show myself out, congrats on the Oscar.

The I'm in love with my ex

Its cool, I've been there, seeing anyone and everyone to get over an ex while still doing your daily Facebook stalk of their relationship status. But do they have to keep talking about them? The last straw is calling out their name in bed. Nope sorry, I wont cut my hair and pick up knitting like they do, I'm an individual person with a door. Use it.

The sex sex sex

Its always sex, which isn't a bad thing let me just say. But when you never do anything else, or see daylight for that matter, its no good. You can't walk round like a cowboy all the time, that is when your not in your other position - face down. This person keeps durex in business.

The I think I love you

You got talking online one night, by the end of it you think they could be perfect and you meet. By the end of the night they are confessing their undying love for you and you eh, suddenly have food poisoning. But totally promise to call, not that you'll need to though judging by the 7 missed calls and 12 texts you got last night. Little creepy? I think so.

The older person

Infatuated with younger people and can't believe their luck when a 20 something falls into their lap. Normally you mistake perving for them finding you attractive, but what the hell. But then the parading you around starts and all they can talk about is back pains and false teeth ( - now that last part is a slight gross exaggeration, but you get my point) its time to take off their borrowed slippers, don some heels and clickity clack your way out of their nursing home to your next date.

I could go on for days. The mammies boy/daddies girl, The wild child, The substance abuser, The cheater... Wow you ask, are there any good people out there!? Yes, yes there are indeed. You just need to go find them. If your in a relationship right now, go you! Happy season of love. And if your single? Well go you too! You can see who you want or maybe not at all and avoid the list of madness that is dating.

I have a feeling this could cook up a storm but just to let you all know, this isn't a serious jab at any gender/sexual oratation/age group and so on. Theses have just been my own experiences that are fun to share - who doesn't like to make others blush or get a raised eyebrow or two? This is so not my normal type of posting but I want to talk more about the taboo stuff, the stuff that you delete from your internet history or only read on your kindle. Why not on a beauty blog? I wont tell if you wont!