Thursday 11 September 2014

Fifty Shades Of Grey: No Peaking

When I sat down to write this I wasn't sure if it should be a short and sweet little review, or if I should go off on one of my rants. If your a fan of rooting through my blog for the 'dirty' posts then no doubt you have seen my last Fifty Shades review over here. But if not, let me briefly repeat some of my first thoughts about Mr Grey and his sad excuse of BDSM, kinky and lets face it - sex in general.

I can't abide the thought of people reading these books and thinking that this is the way 'kinky' sex works. How in the name of god could anyone find a girl who barely has a personality attractive? Personally I look for someone who pushes me to the max, whose mentally stimulating and is full of life, questions and fun. Basically the opposite of that little girl portrayed in those books. Not to mention the scary and just a tad rapey Mr Grey. This is not the textbook for people to learn kink and BDSM in any way. If anything people should read it so they know not what to do. But it seems that many people decided the best and most sexy sex toys are those with Fifty Shades stamped all over them. Not stop to question what materials are used to make them, what kind of quality they are or even if they are from a trusted brand within the sex toy community. No, thats just mad talk... But lads, if theres one thing you should listen to me about, its those types of questions. Look it up, ask the websites that sell the product your not sure about. Hell even contact the companies directly who make and distribute the toys! Knowledge is power, don't you know.

The *No Peaking soft twin blindfold set is, I'll admit, one of the less scary products that are sold to novices of the sex toy world. At least this wont break off inside you, or burn the clit right off of you. These blindfolds come in shiny black and a gawdy looking sliver with really annoying Fifty Shades tags sewn into the sides. I'm not sure about you lot, but the thought of sharp corners of material possibly poking me in the eye does not do much for me. However the one redeeming feature of these blindfolds, is the softish material on the inside so its comfortable against your skin and eyes. The long and short of these two? They in no way are made to fit the contours of a persons face and therefore are relatively useless. Its nothing but frustrating trying to have some fun sensual sexy time with someone and in the silence they comment 'ehhmm. Babe? I can see everything thats going on. They aren't covering my eyes properly'. All of the grring and foot stomping, because I am a Mature Adult. Like every product from the line, it has a quote from the book on the box. This one is;

''He reaches down, lifts my chin, and plants a soft kiss on my lips before slipping the blindfold over my eyes. I can see nothing. Oh my, I'm so aroused.. Already. I am ready, eager to feel his touch''. 

I think Grey and Steele bought their blindfold from a different company, clearly. Apart from adding a little sensory deprivation for sexy time - or the lack of, you can't even use these blindfolds to sleep with. They let in far too much light and don't cover your eyes properly. But for the sake of testing it out properly I got a few friends to do the honours and they all came away with the same complaints. You could see out the corners and it wouldn't sit on anyones face right. This product has one purpose, to make the wearer essentially blind, but it can't even do that. Why is this being sold?

It annoys and saddens me that for many, Fifty Shades toys and accessorises are a household name and therefore assumed to be the best. And again, for many its all that they know when they look it up online or quickly buy it in a shop. I noticed this very brand plastered all over the window of a sex toy shop in Dublin the other day and it bothered me greatly. There are so many safe and amazing brands out there, why show this crap off? (Le sigh)

Like the other Fifty Shades review, my thoughts on the packaging haven't changed. I still think it looks cheap, tacky and flimsy. Theres nothing intriguing, sexy or classy about the boxes which many sex toy brands get spot on. I'm not preaching all toys are classy, not tacky or poorly named, but this entire company does nothing for me, but have me continuously tutting at them. Now for the shocker, I mean are you sitting down and ready for this? These two badly thought out, malfunctioning blindfolds cost roughly €17. Personally I didn't know if I should bend over in pain laughing or cry for the poor souls who forked out real money for them. I have seen them come down in price on many sex toy sites, but if you decide to buy them in person on your way home from work, then be prepared to pay the big bucks.

As the young ladies say: I can't even.

What do you think of the Fifty Shades toys, would you buy them?

*I did not pay for this item, it was a PR gift.  Please see my disclaimer here.


  1. So, the only way this blindfold will work is if you poke yourself in the eyes with it? Now that is sexy!

    1. Ha! Thats it in a nutshell I'm afraid! :/ x

  2. You know, I have what I'd consider more than a passing interest in BDSM. But I'm almost (not quite) embarrassed to say I enjoyed Fifty Shades of Grey. I found myself dying to know what happened next, despite the poor writing and obviously emotionally damaged characters. It was a trashy page-turner, and I did enjoy it*

    *Not enough to read the other two books to see what happened next though. I went to Wiki for that.

    In my own nutshell, no, I wouldn't buy these :) They look cheap!

    1. Ha, its perfectly ok to have liked them! They just really got under my skin - not in a good way at all! Good to know that I didn't just go off on one though, glad you wouldn't get them either :)

  3. They don't just look cheap. Presumably the blindfolds that airlines give out are relatively cheap, and those actually work. They look like they're made out of much cheaper material than these, too.

    These are just crap. Made to look nice and shiny, "ooh I am being sooo naughty" *giggles*, but no-one bothered to make sure they would actually do anything. The target audience was probably intended to be too ashamed to actually ever use them with a partner, and was just supposed to keep them in the drawer and take them out to pet the satin occasionally.

    1. I think your right there, the airlines ones actually work so much better compared to these! I'd say a fair few people did actually use them, just didn't go back for a refund or couldn't get one as they are a 'sex item'. x