50 Shades Of Grey: Come Alive Pleasure Gel

I read 50 Shades when it first came out, hell everyone and their dog had a copy. Did it do much for me? Well in a humorous sort of way, yes it really did. I was a long standing fan of BDSM way back before it was written in a badly worded and plain scary context that I feel the books are. I can remember the summer I read it, I was living at my best friends house and I read every sex scene aloud to the sitting room for whoever cared to listen to me quote and scoff. I still fondly think about how their mother was convinced I was getting something other then a laugh out of reading the books. But anyway, this isn't a book review is it. This is about 'pleasure gel' that has the 50 Shades name stamped all over it an therefore, is more sexy then sex. Or so seems to be the case for some people, picking the brand over others solely based on the 'dirty', 'sexy' books.

So the *Come Alive Pleasure Gel, what can you hope to expect from it? 

''An intimate arousal gel form the Fifty Shades of Grey Official Sensual Care Collection. Experience enhanced orgasms and stimulation as every tingle, touch and vibration intensifies.'' 

Oh I do love a few buzz words to set the mood. And if thats not enough to get you excited in the sexy way, then look no further then the box itself. Each product has its own quote from the book that is meant to have the desired effect. In this products case the quote is;

 ''I surrender, exploding around him - a draining, soul-grabbing orgasm that leaves me spent and exhausted. - Anastasia Steele.''

Well now, isn't that nice? But while the soul-grabbing got Anastasia to come, did this product actually do anything for the Joe Soaps as we all eagerly rip open the box and squeeze a little bit of gel onto our fingers? The short answer? Eh, no, sorry. That was lovely, but I have to go and wash my hair.. And then do this thing... Bubi.

My first impression of the box was that it looks cheap and the one thing I hate my sex toys (and accessories) to look is cheap. If I wanted cheap sex I'd use my fingers - Its free. A black shiny box with the 50 Shades 'Mr Grey' tie on the front and what I can only assume is meant to be construed as sensual with the red swirly writing of 'come alive' placed on the lower end of the box. The presentation made me cringe. My €1.49 Dealz bullet looked more classy then what they are trying to pull off here. This gel costs a grand total of £14.99 (converts to roughly €18) and for that kind of money you would think the amount of product is going to be decent. Prepare to be further disappointed. A 30ml tiny bottle of gel in even more cheap packaging - I see a theme starting here! A little black plastic bottle with a shiny plastic cap and a sticker plastered on the front to inform - no, taunt us that we are indeed gullible people.

Apart from the extortionate price and the cheap nasty looking packaging, does the gel itself live up to the claims of getting us to achieve those enhanced orgasms? For me personally, no. Let me paint you a picture, you lucky, lucky devils! Its like putting a mild tooth paste on your clit and then waiting a few seconds before you feel the mint starting to burn slightly. Yes ladies of the internet, theres menthol in the ingredients list. For some this could be a pleasurable experience and because of that I'm not knocking the gel per-say, but for me I was running to the shower to try and get that bloody gel off my bits before it burnt another hole in an area where there are really enough holes already, thank you very much!

I have come across and used many a gel or sex product that has menthol in it - or some other ingredient that gives the 'cooling effect' and they just weren't for me. I'm all about the heat. I like my rooms warm, my coffee near scalding and my sex hott. (Yes I did just use two t's.) But for those of you out there that like a different tingling sensation down there, then there are bundles of different gels, creams and balms that cost half the price of this over promising, down right ridiculous product. For a bargain grabbin' €4.99 you can get the same kind of cooling gel from Durex, over here. If your getting fancy with it you could try this cute, heart shaped arousal balm from Swoon  for €10.49. Or go the opposite end of the scale and try a warming gel again from Durex over here.

If your curious about the full 50 Shades sex toy line, then you can find them over here on LoveHoney.com . I have one more product from this line to review, so you haven't seen the last of the 50 Shades!

*I did not pay for this item, it was a PR gift.  Please see my disclaimer here.